Sunday, October 31, 2010

a text message from you


unknown

I've got the worst birthday of my life this year. The best birthday present was just a text message from you, wishing me a happy birthday. I've no idea why. It's just a birthday wish but it makes my day receiving it.

My friends did nothing to celebrate my birthday for me. Not even a gift. I wonder if they're still my friends. A part of me tells me to let go and i should never mind if i get a gift or not. The other part of me tells me that i should in return receive somethign since i've done so much for them. Not even a birthday song or wish personally. The wishes are all done via Facebook or text messages. I don't want to let them know that actually i care so much. So i've been bottling all these up. My mum thought my friends were going to celebrate my birthday for me so i had none of those celebration at home.

It's now a month after a birthday and i have not received any gifts or surprises yet. Really disappointing.

As of you, I really want to share my thoughts with you but you haven't been texting me after the wish. I feel you've already moved on but I'm still standing here, waiting for you to come back to me. My heart dropped when your twitter says 'having a little crush lately :)' I know i should move on but i really just can't.

Still, i really thank you from the bottom of my heart to send me that text, that at least made my day although i did not have a great birthday. Also, alll the best with you and your new crush. Maybe.

xoxo H

Friday, October 29, 2010

Flowers on the Roadside


I am often so tempted to pull-over the car and whip out the pair of scissors I keep in my glove box and cut flowers from bushes on the roadside. Today I did just that. I was driving over to pick up Harry from sailing and I saw these big bright beautiful pink flowers on a huge bush on the side of the road. I did a u-turn, stopped and cut a few. They have very prickly stems so I had to use the paper bag in the door pocket which was left-over from Harry's sausage roll this morning to handle them. Although they have dropped a little bit since arriving home, I do think they look pretty in the aqua vase I put them in on our fireplace mantel. It's amazing what beauty you can discover without even spending a cent.

sooner or later



alexis mire -thanks anon for the credit. alexis' name was not where i found it.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

you don't want us.


marebearr

I had just found out my boyfriend of 2 years cheated on me when I was on vacation. I came home only to find heartbreak, but then you appeared.

You had always been there, just kinda in the corner, and I never gave you much thought. But now, suddenly you were the one person who could get me out of the mess I had fallen into. Talking to you became the best part of my day, and I began to forget what life was like without you. Then your girlfriend broke up with you, and suddenly I realized I loved you.

A month passed, finally that fateful August night we went on our first official date, and after that night you were mine. We never skipped a beat, there was never that awkward first phase. I remember when you asked and I said yes, and you said, "No way." As if you thought you didn't have a chance.

The fall came, every day got better and better. You told me you loved me when we were laying on the couch. You were shy, but I wanted to say it too. We each drew the letters on eachothers arms. I drew an "I" you drew a "L" I drew an "O." And thats how we said it, together. I was in over my head.

For christmas, we went to New York. We waited in line for two hours to go ice skating, but it was all worth it. You told me you already knew how you were going to propose, you had our life planned. Later that night, we went to Central Park, you shyly gave me a bracelet with our initials engraved in a heart. It was the sweetest gift I have ever received.

The months were going by, but all I could focus on was you. You were my world, you were absolutely everything. You would sing to me, and write me notes. When you held me, I didn't want to be anywhere else. You called me perfect, and I told you that you were wrong. But I loved every second. I loved you, I adored you with all my heart. It took everything to learn how to trust again, but you brought me back to life. I owe you everything for that.

April came, prom was around the corner. I remember every second of that Saturday night in excruciating detail. I went to your house, we went down to the basement. You put in a movie and we laid down on the futon. You told me about your dad. I cried in fear of losing you, of you getting hurt again. I held on to you and said I couldn't imagine my life without you. How could I not have known that that night was our last one? If I knew, I would have held tighter, and begged you not to leave. I wouldn't have left if I knew.

That week you went out west to visit a college. That Thursday was 8 months. The entire week, you told me you missed me, you loved me, you couldn't wait to come home to see me again.

Friday. You changed your status on Facebook to single. I became frantic, calling you, thinking it was a mistake or some silly joke. We were so good. So so so good. There would be no reason to lose us. To take everything we built together and throw it away.
But it wasn't a mistake. You said "I just want to be single."

That's it. That's the explanation I got. There was no more, no less. You told me I had nothing to do with it, how could I not have everything to do with it. You just want to be single, you don't want me. You don't want us.

But we were perfect. I can't get over you, I miss you. My heart breaks every time I think about you.

I dream about you, just to wake up to realize you're gone.

I still love you.

Why did you have to absolutely destroy me.

Suzani Chair at Jenny's House


I love seeing where bits and pieces from our shop end up. Here's a picture above of one of our vintage French chairs, which we covered in a suzani, in the kitchen of a lovely customer and blogger, Jenny from My Pink Door...I think it looks great in her kitchen/dining area with the fantastic black and white floor and the other mismatched chairs.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

A New Window









Today we worked on a new display in our front window at Black & Spiro. We wanted it to be fresh and colourful and eye catching. This is our last window before our very exciting Christmas window which will be installed in a few weeks time. We wrapped bits of remnant fabric around birdcages and hung them in front of a gorgeous bright pink and white and black floral fabric. It always makes me feel so happy when we have installed a fresh new window at the shop...

i just want to jump in there


unknown

When I read all these stories, all these sad love stories about broken and tough love, I can’t say I don’t want to be there. I’ve never even had a boyfriend, and I’ve never kissed someone, just for fun. I really want someone who loves me. You all have or have had someone, so you know what it’s like. But I don’t. So I don’t care if it doesn’t work out, or if I get broken the first time. I just want to feel what it’s like to be in love, to have someone. Therefore I almost wish to be where you all are. Though I’m not saying you should feel good when someone breaks your heart, I’m saying I would prefer getting broken than not feel love at all. Everything is about love. Movies, books, songs, reality. And I’ve never even felt it. It feels like I’m outside, watching everyone else walk two and two, hand in hand. I just want to jump in there and be a part of it. But how? I have no idea…

Monday, October 25, 2010

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Black & Spiro Today




Here's a little shapshot of some things in the shop which I am loving right now. Our new purple inlay chest of drawers is like a breath of fresh air...it's so pretty! I really am having a purple moment! One of my favourite quotes {by Virginia Woolf} which I had hand written and framed in an old white-painted frame - "Arrange whatever pieces come your way". This quote really is wonderful. I love it!

waiting


ffffound

Where to begin? We started out typical. Freshmen year, we had the same english class. He was annoying and I was uptight. I moved away before the next school year but went back to my old school's homecoming to see old friends. The friend I went with ditched me for slow dances and make outs on the dance floor and that's when I spotted him. I walked right up and coyly asked if we knew each other and if he would escort me to the where our mutual friends were dancing. The rest of the night went like a sickeningly cheesy tween flick.

We talked too much for dancing to make sense so we just sat and talked for hours, though we did manage to drag ourselves back to the dance floor for our favorite songs. He gave me his home phone numbers, for his moms and dads, and the night ended with the kiss that didn't happen flickering between our mouths.

We talked all the time. I told him all about the guys I was interested in and dating, and when they let me down. How could I not see that he loved me, even then? In the beginning of what turned out to be a short very intense relationship, I told him we couldn't talk anymore. I couldn't have a serious boyfriend and a flirty guy friend who, at moments, seemed too perfect for me. Then, a few months later, he drunk texted me. In a month we were together despite the distance.

It was real. It was such real love.

Our relationship was tender. Achingly so. Not perfect or smooth but I was so deliriously happy. Even the hard times were like, amazing, because it proved something, didn't it? We talked about the future without even realizing it and his idea for the future was only one with me in it. He couldn't imagine settling down or being with just one person until me. He pictured the house, the beach, the pets, all the same ways I did. We shared music, books, talked about the world, philosophy, religion. He knew me. And so sweet, calling me at times that seemed so inconvenient, from bathrooms and work and all the time, just to hear my voice. Talking about us with his friends to the point they complained about it to me.

He told me that my parents were wrong about me, that I was a good person, that he loved me. Every night, for hours chatting, whispering, wanting, until we stopped having conversation and were swapping dream-hallucinations. He kissed me everywhere when we were together, not wanting any part of me to be left undiscovered. We called each other so many different names that didn't even make sense but were true because we made them up. I wrote songs for him, played them for him. It was his favorite music. We would just hold on to each other sometimes. Just hold on and keep holding like drinking it in. Intoxicating how cute we were, everyone saw us together and realized we realized we were lucky.

Oh, and he was good. No matter where we had to be it was always head-buzzing, ears-ringing, legs-sore-the-next-day good. And that meant a lot to me. That was a big deal. That was special. (Now looking back, it's easy to judge whether or not he's the BEST but it was irrelevant.) He was completely unselfish to the point where he had to slow down to get me to be able to collect myself to try for him.

We fought for good reason. I was with him through everything when he failed his parents and friends, but not me. Never me. He loved me too much to destroy it for himself. He loved me too much to disappoint me. And that 's what made him extraordinary to me after a while, after I realized he wasn't ideal at all. But he was mine, and I actually shucked my pride, my morals, my best interests, and forgave him again and again for what he was doing to himself and to us because that's what love is, that's what love does.

Then, a facebook message. Facebook. In which he confessed he'd been cheating on me all along, in a quantity and depth that should have shocked me...but it didn't. I wasn't surprised to find that he hated himself too much to keep from hurting me. I didn't even cry when he told me, even though he was. Sobbing.

But now, what? I've left you, love. I've written about how you were all a lie and a sham and how I fell for it and how I'm so much better off now, because I am, there's no doubt about it. My life is better now that you're not in it.

But was it real? How could it be when it ended up like this? When you did this to me? How can I believe you? Who are you? Who did I love for so long? Who is this person who didn't remember me whenever he was drunk?

And so many girls. Not just one, not just once.

I feel ashamed of my own self.

And I can't let you go, no. I want to hear all about it. I want you to keep reminding me what you did to me. I want all the details. I want to be able to imagine myself there in the room with each of those seven other girls.

I cringe and part of me dies but its like therapy, hearing you talk about them. Some sick perverted electro-shock therapy that burns you out of me. It makes me miss you less, realizing what you really are.

And how vehemently you denied it.

How offended you were when I asked you.

How could I ever have loved you? I did not. I couldn't have. I could not have loved someone who hurt me as profoundly as you have. I'm smarter than that. I'm better than that.

I lowered my standards for you. To love you. To be with you. And you made me just another piece of trash. Just an out of town snack where you could store up all your emotions and get all the love one person can give to another person because I did, I actually did. I actually gave all of myself. I sacrificed part of who I am for you and that never comes back. I never get that back. And why?

Because you loved nothing. Because you are broken. Because you tore out the heart of me the day before my 18th birthday and I had to leave behind everyone who lied for you. Because I can't stand the thought that those girls, my friends, had known you the same way I knew you. I should have suspected when I heard the same mix CD you'd given me playing in her car. I should have known when you broke your promise to never drink again, told me weeks later after we'd spent a week together at camp, then flatly admitted you never had any intention of keeping that promise at all. I forgave you. Or did I just make an easy out for myself?

And you tell me now that you loved me, and still do, so much. That you are immature and stupid and you would never do it again, now. That all of that is behind you, that you can't believe it had to be me you learned this lesson with. Why did it have to be me? You wish it had been someone else, someone who didn't matter. Because I do matter to you, a lot. And everyone says so. Everyone says they didn't tell me because of how badly you felt afterwards and how much you cared/care for me.

But I don't buy it.

And I will keep asking you for any shreds of whispers or touches you can remember. Because I want to remember, when I miss you, why it is not you I miss, but just an imaginary friend. A toxic, addictive imagination who is now my ghost, the shadow in my mind when I fight off the emptiness.

I will be fine. I will. I have so much going for me. You hurt me, more than anyone else will probably. More than I will ever let someone hurt me again. But I can see my own naiveté. A high school long distance relationship? I knew how desperate you are for flesh. I should have known that you had nothing to stand on, no moral compass, no boundaries which would make you say no. And with how often you were wasted? I just couldn't do the simple equation because I was blinded by a love which didn't exist.

And I'm not sure if I didn't trick myself into it. You are a stranger to me now, and I keep asking you for answers so that I can track down the one I lost. Because I know now that he doesn't exist. But I love you, whoever you are, wherever you are, the shadow that I saw in him. I love you so much and I ache to hear your voice and I will wait for you, I'm waiting for you. Every time I remember him holding me from behind, I'll pretend that it was you. And when I kiss someone else, it will only be because I miss you. Whoever you are, Love, I caught a glimpse of you once, and I'm waiting for you to find me again.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Thursday, October 21, 2010

my past


weheartit

I am a shallow person and I seek my family’s approval too much. I have to be honest with myself. I may have kept myself from love from the past 9 and a half years.
Through all the years I still think of him often. Sometimes I long for him. This is for you x

You were my first love, before I knew what a mature relationship was. The sweet innocence of a childhood romance… we played outside and did fireworks. I fell in love with you at the age of 12. Some may say that’s too young, but I knew it was real love. It felt just as real as the love I have felt at the age of 21. I knew you in your awkward pre-teen phase. You knew me before I cared about fashion. When I wore skater shoes, because I thought I had to dress like the music I listened to. We spent every Christmas together. Then two years later you decided you wanted me romantically. You were persistent. You protected me from the crowd at a concert. You said that’s when you knew. I resisted because I didn’t want to be hurt. We had already tried so many times before. You held my hand and begged me to hold yours. You told me I was different. I wouldn’t give in. My Dad didn’t think you were good enough. You told me you missed talking to me so much. That you were there for me and always would be. Three and a half years out of high school I have had many, many suitors since you. I have had a serious boyfriend since you. My first “adult” relationship. Well he is long gone now. I’ve moved away from our hometown. At friend’s weddings I see you. You flirt and walk me to my car. Your best friend stopped through my college town tonight. He told me some of your secrets. They are currently keeping me from sleep. He said that you considered me the girl that got away. You never thought you could really have me. Your friend thinks we should have gotten married. When you say we should see each other, I know you mean it, but it’s been a year and half since we were alone together. Are you just a sweet relic of my past?

Beautiful & Colourful





Just because I love the colours in these pictures...so inspiring.

image 1 & 2 - jil sander via the satorialist, image 3 - vintage liz claiborne ad via

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

News


I have some news to share with you today which I am so very proud of. Yesterday we received 2 exciting publications in the mail....







Last year I was encouraged by my girls here at Black & Spiro and also Stephanie from In House Agencies to submit my work into the Andrew Martin International Interior Designer of the Year Awards. I certainly wasn't very hopeful considering the amazing designers from across the world who feature in the book each year. However, after completely forgetting that I had submitted some photos of my work, earlier this year I received an email to advise me that I had been selected as one of the world's leading interior designers in the 2010 volume 14 Andrew Martin Interior Design Review book. I was overwhelmed to say the least. It has been a long wait for the book to arrive but yesterday it came. It is so big and beautiful and the work featured by amazing designers from all over the world is divine. The Andrew Martin International Interior Designer of the Year has been described by the Times as "The Oscars for the Interior Design World".







Not only did the Andrew Martin book arrive yesterday, the new Nov/Dec Vogue Living arrived which our new store is featured in. How exciting to be featured in my absolute favourite magazine for a second year in a row. It really does show that lots of hard work and determination pays off in the end.

I could almost cry...

xo
Anna

be with me



tumblr + unknown

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

three words


unknown

I just love you.

Words demand explanation. They require analysis. They are the construction and expression of my thoughts. Of my heart. But they can't describe it. They can't describe any of it. They can't tell you how deep the memories are, or how often I think of them. They can't scream what I really want to say. They are the mask of how I really feel and they try to disguise the pain, but someone will strip it away. And someone will make those words worthless.

So what is a word worth? Nothing. What are three words worth? Nothing. But we say them anyway, because you know. You know, more than anyone what they mean. You know when I say I love you, I really mean that those three words can't describe what it is we have. When I say you're amazing, I know the word is just a cover; a quick way for me to remember all the things that amaze me about you, a mask for the memories we share, a disguised version of our adventures together. And I really believe that you know, when I say I miss you, it's not just that. I miss you every moment, and I miss just what your name means to me. It means an alphabet of sounds and letters and words. But none of them really mean anything, because words are based on trust, they rely on how truly and deeply we feel. Remember, always, that they don't mean anything, they are letters and they are constructions, but we deconstruct them every day and we twist them; we manipulate them so that they say what we want them to. But no word, no shape, no photograph could ever twist so far that it could begin to explain even a little bit of how I feel.

- L

Monday, October 18, 2010

don't tell me...

Take Me Away








If I could click my fingers and be anywhere right now, I think I'd like to be here at Hotel Augustus in Forte dei Marmi, Italy. I found these fabulous photos on the ever-stylish satorialist blog.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

i still have no idea


unknown

you wore denim pants with holes in them and played in a band. i spent night after night looking at you through the crowd feeling worse and worse because you never noticed me. you were high and low in the room, mingling, laughing, smoking, flirting, and i was always on the side trying my best to catch every glimpse i could of you without you noticing

often i would sit outside for a while when the nervousness got to me, and one night you came out and sat down, you asked if i was ok, and it made me so nervous i couldn't even answer, i just started walking away from you, but you followed me asking again and again and finally i blurted out that i couldn't even talk to you right now because you are too much. too much smiles and looks and lips

you touched my hair and then my shoulder, and we started walking towards the beach, i didn't say much but you kept telling me about your family, about music you liked and your night so far, and i could hardly hear anything you said because i was too afraid of making a fool out of myself

and all i could really hear was the sound of your feet against the asphalt, the rocks and then the sand beneath us. we sat on the grass and none of us said a word, you touched my face. i was trembling. i wanted to kiss you so badly, but didn't dare. you told me i was pretty, that i made you nervous. i didn't believe a word you said. the energy in and around us was almost surreal. it knocked me over

i said i wanted to swim and you looked a little scared and that calmed me down a bit. you followed and soon we were in with water to our waists and you were so cold i could see your goosebumps, but you smiled anyway and we just stood there, and stared at each other for what felt like a century

and that was it

i still have no idea what that meant

-exoplanetarium

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Weekend Tidbits


My weekend has been filled with happiness. Spending time at home with my family is my favourite thing in the world. Yesterday I played with fabrics and tied them onto chairs with bows.



Last night we had some friends over for dinner. It was cold so we lit the fire. I arranged fresh Lillies and leaves from our garden on our coffee table and I lit lots of candles. Candles and flowers make me so happy.


Not only did I arrange flowers from our garden in our house, I cooked roast chicken and used fresh rosemary and tomatoes from our garden. I bundled up a little parcel of rosemary and tomatoes for my friends to take home with them. They absolutely loved it.




This morning I have been sitting in our lounge room with the paper and my bubba listening to my music. The boys are about to have a swim as it's so gorgeous and sunny...still too cold for me though.


Can you believe I just spotted this gladioli flower which has popped up smack bang in the middle of our baron block. We obviously have very fertile soil here.



I collected more November Lillies from my friend Phoebe Stephens yesterday. I am obsessed with them at the moment.




Spring really is starting to shine through today. The blue skies are stunning as is my Jacaranda tree which is just starting to flower...




I'm off to enjoy the rest of this glorious sunny Spring day.
xo
Anna

Friday, October 15, 2010

this fear


ffffound

Loving Lately

The duckie booties my mother-in-law knitted for Max




Fluoro art by Essimar


Fun kids sleepovers


Stella Gallery in Brisbane


The thought of Christmas just around the corner



Vintage watches with grosgrain bands




Swan Lake by Inaluxe


The Kelly sofa by Jardan


Here are a few things I've been obsessing over lately and yes they are all very random except for one weird thing...there is a hint of yellow in every single picture!!
 

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