you should have said no.

weheartit

You should have said no and this whole thing would have been avoided. But you didn't. You never even fathomed that I was in your mind. In the back of your very head. You let her bat her eyes, touch your arm, tease you til you couldn't take it anymore. But most of all, you betrayed me. All I want to know is, "why?" What did she have that I couldn't have offered you? Why did she flood back into your memories? Why did you cave into her little game? You should have said no. You should have shoved her away. Told her to leave. SOMETHING! But instead, you caved. Gave in to her every whim. Her every desire. Once she was satisfied, it was too late. You betrayed me. You lied to me. You straight up forgot I even existed in your life.

Was it worth it? Was it worth this? Was it worth losing me? Losing everything you once held so closely to? I feel really cheated, in fact, I was cheated. I never expected this. Especially from you. You were the last person I ever expected to hurt me this badly. So badly, I didn't want to get up out of bed. I just wanted to lie there all day. Forget the world. Forget you. But, I knew I couldn't. I had to get up. Dress up. Put on my face. Fake that smile. Get through my day. Without you... But, I don't think you would have made it any better. You sure did enough. I just don't understand it. I don't understand you. All I know is now, I can't even look at you. You Should have said No.

You lost me.

-C

let's run away together

weheartit

Fabric Loving

I took this photo at Black & Spiro before our sale last month.  The reason I am posting it is because I love the fabric we used on the antique chair pictured.  It's always so exciting stumbling across a fabric I haven't seen before.  It inspires me and gets me thinking about the possibilities of what I can do with it and what other fabrics I can mix with it.  Even though this chair has now sold I think I might need to have something else covered in this fabric...

i know what love is.

unknown

This isn’t a story about a breakup.

This is a story about recovery, about strength, and, most importantly, about love.

Three weeks into a perfect relationship, depression hit me. I was a complete mess. And despite my weekly therapy sessions and medication, it only seemed to be getting worse. I knew I was unsuccessfully hiding it from him so, by some miracle, I managed to gather up the strength and explain to him the cause of my unpredictability and moodiness.

I expected the worst. We were both young, our relationship was just starting, and depression is not an easy burden to bear. But I was so wrong to doubt that boy. It was that weekend that I realized I was in love with this person who was willing to take care of me through all the hardship life was throwing my way.

Sadly, things only seemed to get worse. I realized my depression had wrapped itself around our relationship; any little thing he said or did could set me off. I cried myself to sleep almost every night, and I could sense his frustration when he could do nothing to comfort me while I was alone. It was so hard for me to separate my true feelings from the depression, and the confusion made our relationship almost unbearable.

Here we are, 4 months later, and I’m not going to lie, things aren’t perfect. Just last week I was convinced we’d be better off apart, but the depression has died down and my self-awareness has made it so much easier to see the truth behind my sadness. Every day I am more and more grateful that he’s always been there for me, never once got upset or turned his back on me. He’s been patient and supportive and everything I could ask for in a boyfriend. I love him more than anything, and although there are more trials ahead of us and we may not last forever, I will always remember our time together and the kindness he’s shown me.


It is because of you, Miles, that I know what love is.


L.

love/lust

reaching in the dark

ffffound

it's so strange. and yes, I know it's not the first time this has been discussed. and this one, when it really comes down to it, will be no different from the others. but its another one of those times when this little part of my life that I have controlled so it won’t consume me, starts bubbling up again. I don’t know why, little things start it, get me thinking again. why, am I, an almost 20 year old girl, incapable of romantic love? its quite embarrassing to think or talk about.. almost laughable at how pathetic that seems. if my story were told to a random stranger I’m sure they would think the reason would be that I am some dirty-faced, antisocial, impersonable, loner. I'll have you know, I am none of those things. I have friends, great friends; the majority of which are in healthy normal relationships. I however, am not.

I'm not saying i am not loved, because I really am - but not that way. not in the way that is different from anything else and can make you feel the way that nothing else can. I wonder what it’s like to know you are loved that way. it fascinates me because it is completely foreign to me. its like imagining what it would feel like to be weightless in a rocketship on its way to the moon. unfathomable until you actually experience it. and, for one reason or another, it seems as though I am not cut out to be an astronaut.

People want me, but not enough. not enough to take it past the initial thrill of it. and I know how it works, oh I’ve seen it hundreds of times. heard it, watched it.. just not in the first person that's all. its always looking behind glass windows, doors, at the others who have found it. and even though sometimes its fleeting, short-lived, its still real. I wonder about the day when I will be the one people are watching.

I have all of these things I want to do before I die; ride in a hot air balloon, learn to play guitar, see the statue of liberty, silly things like that. but more than any of those things, I would like to experience the feeling of being completely and utterly loved. in a way that not your parents, your best friend nor your sister loves you. but the love you get from someone that you feel the same about. maybe thats the silliest of all, but to me it is the most important.

I don’t know. I really truly don’t know, as I’ve said a thousand times before and will probably continue saying until I get my answer - if I get an answer. sometimes it seems as though i'm reaching in the dark, for something i know must be there but its just so hard to find.

I still hold on to a tiny thread of hope that one day it’ll hit me over the head and I’ll just stand there baffled and realize I’ve finally found what I’ve been looking for, for as long as I can remember. but I also keep my head just below the clouds because the only thing worse for me than never finding what you’ve been looking for would be to constantly wait for it when it never comes.

Anyway, to all the people who have found it, my hat is off to you. I hope you know how lucky you are to be experiencing one of the most amazing things in the world, I’m sure you do. and as for me, I will continue on with my life, doing the things I love, that feel right, and hope for the best. they say the best way to find love is by doing what you love, and I suppose I’m trying my best to do that right now. so maybe.. maybe, one day everything will fall into place. and if not, I’ll at least have the things I truly love to keep me occupied.

-E

Baccalaureate

Dakota Fanning attends her school's Baccalaureate ceremony.