oh, how he completes me.

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I'm reading all those beautiful stories about lost love, found love, love people never will forget, secret love, soulmates, friends and family. And I decided to tell my story.
I've always been a "player", a restless person that has very easy to have crushes on cute boys but I had only been in love once, with my boyfriend when I was 15.
I had boyfriends after that but
-I wasn't faithful
-or I didn't say to anyone that we were a couple because I didn't wanted to keep the options open
-or I did something on purpose that made my boyfriends break up with me. Then I didn't need to take The Talk and they couldn't beg me to stay, beg us to try because they broke up with me.
I was cold, egoistic and I thought I wasn't capable to love another person, to be in love with another person and thought I was way too troubled to have a normal relationship.

I ended it with one of my crushes this summer and a couple of weeks later I went to a party at a friends place. It was a festival in my town and it was the fourth day of partying. I wasn't very social and the last thing I wanted was one of those drunk unserious flirts.

And I met him pretty early in the evening. He was a friend to my friend's best friend's crush and I thought he was one of those really goodlooking people that knows how hot they are and are impolite and bored if you're not in their league. But we talked and he wasn't impolite - just shy. When it was time to go, me and him went to the carousels and he held my hand because I'm so scared of heights and while everyone around us danced to some crappy coverband, we just stood there and have had more fun that evening than I have had with friends I've known my whole life. And he kissed me and we went to a concert where he held me the whole time and he took my number but I thought he'd never call me.

He did the next day and we decided to meet the next weekend (because then we didn't live in the same city). After that I told everyone I knew, my friends and family that I'd met someone, even if I didn't know what he thought of me or where it was going. We were just like 15-year-olds hanging out, making out, going to the sea, having a great time and getting to know each other.

Then met the weekend after that. And the third weekend we talked about us and decided to be a couple. We've met every weekend (and as much as we can now that we live closer) since we met that sweet summers saturday night.

He did something no one has ever did to me. There is no other guy for me and for the first time I just know he feels the same. Every time I see his name, smell the shirt he left last time he was here, or his shampoo, or if I see things that reminds me of him, I get nervous and the butterflies take over my whole body.

He makes me laugh so much that I can't quit and we always have so much fun with each other. We stay up playing videogames, drinking beer, bowling, kissing, watch movies, talking walks, tickle and tease each other, everything and everytime I have the time of my life.

I love him so much that I can't look at him for more than seconds because I think he's so beautiful that he makes me blush and makes me clumsy and makes me stumble and even if I hold him for hours I can't get enough of him, his voice, his laugh, his scent, his taste, his skin and all those small things and gestures he say or do that only I notice because that's part of what I fell in love with.

Everytime we see each other I want to tell him I love him but I'm too shy and scared even though I've never been so sure about anything or anyone in my life and though I believe he loves me. I'm terrified to get hurt but I love him so much I don't care about that, for the frst time I feel I can't do anything but trust him even if I don't always understand why the world's cutest, nicest, sweetest, funniest, hottest guy wants to have me as his (first) girlfriend. He says he can ask me the same thing; why I would be with him.

So it may be a cliché but real love came to me when I least expected it and "once a cheater/liar, always a cheater/liar" is as wrong as anything can get. I've always said the truth about my past if he have asked, even if it's not been pretty and people say you can make mistakes and you can, but I would never do it to him or do something that would hurt him.
Even if you're scared to tell people how you feel - make yourself say those things! It can be a disaster but then you're friends will be there for you and pick you up and make you heal. It's heartbreaking if you open up and things don't work out, but then at least you know that you can move on. You'll regret it more if you don't take the risk. Everyone is scared so go out there and fight for the love because he or she can be the one you've always been looking for.

He can turn out to be so perfect that you want to scream to the world that he's all you ever wanted, that he's the most wonderful person you've met and when you think you know all about him he tells you something that surprises you, in the greatest way because everything about him is so fascinating and special. And he becomes your lover, boyfriend and your best friend and he's making you so happy that everytime you look at him or touch him, you're thinking that he is the part that's been missing in your two-pieces-puzzle... Oh, how he completes me.

isa

Cherie Currie Jr

Dakota attends Cherie Currie's 50th Birthday party.

New Bits at Black & Spiro

We've finally received our delivery of Megan Park cushions in at Black & Spiro along with some of our other lovely cushions {top image}. I thought I would take a couple of photos of some other bits which we just received in last week. The little Antique brass mirror is one of my favourite things in the shop at the moment and the colourful ginger jar lamp bases are divine!!

For all enquiries, please email us info@blackandspiro.com.au

have you ever loved someone like that?

weheartit

I've known her for seven and a half months. We met through a mutual friend, my boyfriend at the time. He was somewhat infatuated with her, it was cute. She was older than us, but only by a few years. We started talking. It was... wonderful. Our conversations, we talked about everything, and bonded over everything. We had our little in jokes and then when my boyfriend and I broke up, we continued talking. We were always talking, almost every day.

We're both busy people, and we don't often have time to see each other. But when we do, it's just. Easy. So simple and easy and straightforward. I never get tired of talking to her. I can tell her anything. Not because I want to, and not because I want there to be someone who knows everything about me. I don't care about that. But because, I can; we can. Over these months, we've grown closer and closer. She's my closest friend, and I'm hers. We talk about sex and love and politics and science. We really do, talk about everything. We compliment each other in what we like, our opinions and hobbies are similar but not so similar that we don't have things to (playfully) ridicule each other about.

She's attractive, of course. And smart, and talented, thoughtful, caring, intelligent. She's that girl you want to hate for being so amazing but in the end you just end up loving her for it. And that's what happened, I love her. The nature of this love, I can't describe. I don't even know myself, honestly. It's on the border between platonic and non-platonic because even though she is one of the sexiest girls I have ever met, mostly I just want to be there for her. Mostly, I just want to make her happy. I like it when she calls me at almost-midnight and rants about her day and I can make her feel better. I can make her laugh. And I like it when she randomly texts me about something interesting and we just text each other for ours. We just, work.

Have you ever had someone where everything just works? I mean, there's friction of course. What with her being a few years older than me. And her current unavailable status. But, still. It just works, everything is so simple with her. And if anything ever is wrong, we can just talk it out.

Have you ever loved someone like that? I hope so.

she got her old feelings back

thanks for this J!!

This is a clip from the Swedish 1970’s movie En Kärlekshistora (A love story)
I think it’s very beautiful.

I also have a story to tell.
When my mom was eleven years old, she dated this boy.
He was in her class and they were boyfriend and girlfriend for a couple of years,
but then he moved away and they had to break up.

30 years later, they met at a high school reunion,
and got back together again.
My mom currently had a boyfriend but they broke up as she got her old feelings back again

as soon as she laid her eyes on her childhood crush.
This summer they are getting married.
I think this proves that just anything can happen

J

Will Smith

Pop icon Will Smith is an American Actor, film producer, rapper. Smith is African American, was born and brought in Wynnefield section of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. He has started his career as The Fresh Prince, violist of the Hip-Hop duo DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince. The duo was most popular for their radio friendly songs, specially 'Parents don't understand' and 'Summertime'.



Smith has a different charisma and energy in his performances. He was nominated for rhe Acdemany Award for the Best Actor in 2001,he was again nominated for Oscar for his role in true life movie 'The Pursuit of Happyness'. He has done numer of movies and give many hits also like- 7 Pound, Hitch,I Am Legend and he has producer many movies also like Hancock, Lakeview Trrace, The sectret life of Bees.

Smith married with actress Sharee Zampino in 1992, but divorced in 1995.They have son Willard Christerphor III, also known as 'Trey'. Then he married with actress Jada Pinkett Smith in 1997 and they have two children Jden ChristoerSyre and Willow Camille Reign. He is abiggest top star of the today's pop culture and his wealth has continued grow as his name has continued to apper in Forbes Richest 40 under the age of 40.

hey you.

unknown

It'll soon be 2 years after we've broken up. How we met was really a funny experience. Whoever heard of meeting through staring incident? I believe that he was heaven sent, my guardian angel that was there to guide me along in life. Is it weird to say that I feel in love with this guy just by merely chatting through msn and phone? I've never talked to him face to face before until we got together. I spent my whole time in class messaging him even though he was just in a classroom 2 stories above mine. And I looked forward to every night because it'd be the time that he'd call and we'd talk till it was past midnight. My friends were telling me that I was falling in love, but I didn't believe so. Until the day that I cried because I was jealous over him talking to another girl. That's when I found out that what my friends had been telling me for the past month was indeed accurate.

Even though we didn't talk face to face when we bumped into each other in school, I still remember how I felt whenever I saw him coming or when I saw his backview. That sudden adrenaline rush, the quickening of heartbeat, how everything around me started spinning and slowing down and the only sound I could hear was how hard I was breathing and my own heartbeat. All I could see was just him and at that point in time I thought, "Wow, he is gorgeous."

He was a guy that had heads turned when he walked around in school. Standing at 1.8xm tall, with broad shoulders & nice body, big eyes; double eyelids, fair skin, looking like a pretty boy yet having the American badboy look, it wasn't a question of why girls would oogle at him publicly. How we got together was unusual too, he was shy and was unwilling to say his feelings out to me directly. But he showed his feelings through his actions. How he took note of my feelings, the way that I spoke and the way I sounded through our text messages was remarkable and.. stunning. It's like he could see right through me to the deepest of my heart and he understood how I felt without me saying a word.

I remember everything since the day we were together till the day that things ended between us. How we could just go around shouting in public not bothering if anybody thought that we were crazy because all we wanted was just to see each other smile & laugh and that'd be enough. How he showed me a side of him that nobody has ever seen before - a gentle yet vulnerable side. He was mine, and with just him alone I was very contented with life. Because life with him was never dull, I had something to look forward to everyday, even if it was just a smile. I remember how we'd walk in supermarkets pretending that we were married, cooking dishes; doing house chores; playing FIFA & betting on soccer together.

I'll never forget how his eyes seemed to sparkle whenever he laughed or whenever we met. How our bodies fitted so perfectly together - hands & shoulders. How his tone changed when he was talking to me compared to when he was talking to someone else. How he always winked at me when other girls were oogling at him to give them a hint that he was my boyfriend. How protective he was of me when guys tried to get near me and how he loved playing tricks on others.

I remember begging him to stay after each time he left. Sounds stupid but I never regretted it, because I'm happy of the fact that I once loved somebody this much, and to me, he was a very very very special person in my heart.

It has been nearly 2years now, and I've been in a couple of relationships only to realise that I broke it off because I didn't love the guys. Why? Is loving someone that difficult? Or is it because I don't have the ability to love anymore? It's a shame to know that I still have butterflies in my stomach whenever I think about us, him or when I hear his name. It becomes worst when I see him face to face, I don't even know what to say, how to react or what I should do. I just go blank and I'll be in a trance afterwards.

It sucks even more when I realize that I compare every guy that has interest in me to him, to the very fact that they're not him. And you know what the sad thing is? Some of them might even be better than how he was, but I guess I'm never able to see that. Because I'm afraid to fall in love again? Or is it because I haven't really gotten over him? Are you really able to love someone subconsciously? Even without you knowing it?

Am I feeling this way because the body remembers how it feels like whenever I hear his name? Or is it because something has triggered somewhere inside of me that makes me feel this way? Memories.. they hurt and they build me up.

He has moved on, happy with his girlfriend. And me.. it's been quite some time since we've last spoke or even met each other. But I really do hope that he's doing well. Don't know if there's any chance of him seeing this, but still:

Hey you. Be happy with A no matter where you are okay. Remember if you ever need someone to talk to , you can always count on me. Don't know if you still remember me, but know that I'm always here.

-K

It's Liliana

Credits go to Liliana Mumy's social networking site.

Ashgrove House

Images above and below you may be able to spot the floor in the sun room to the left which we had painted in a green and white stripe. We will be doing some beautiful white cane pieces upholstered in lovely bright fabrics in this area in the New Year.

Here are some photos of a job I finished off this morning for a lovely, lovely client at Ashgrove. The brief was to create an area which was fresh, bright, colourful and family friendly. This is what I created.

Black & Spiro Today

I love the new painting we have just received into the shop by Diana Favell...thought you would love to see a photo of it. It's so big and gorgeous!!

i love you? you know i do.

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My body might be shallow to the touch
We don’t mind though,
Do we?
Do you?
These girls are inside-out
I hope you get me right side-in.

And I think of that one night,
Together, breathing, twisted
Beautiful.
You saying you think I’m beautiful.
I tried so hard not to Cry.

Singing, skinny love, in your car
Do you remember how we started?
Basements.

Never a tear touched my pillow then
So how come now, when everything is perfect
I wake up crying?
I think,
What will I do…
When this is over.

I told you once that I like how we do things.
No months.
You told me we do things right.
Well,
I think we should celebrate.

We are only this young for so many twisted nights.
I want you to have them.
I want you to have it.
Why am I crying, and
Why am I afraid to say
I love you? You know I do.

-Lady

New Posters for NINE

Have you seen any commercials for the movie Nine? It looks incredible. Kate Hudson! Penelope Cruz! Fergie! Nicole Kidman! A MUSICAL!!! I can't wait! Check out the three new posters just released ... Nine opens nationwide on Dec. 25.

5 Thanksgiving Films We're Thankful For

Thanksgiving is about family, food, fun parades, and fabulous heartwarming films! This holiday, celebrate the season with our five favorite Thanksgiving flicks.

Miracle on 34th Street, 1947
Miracle on 34th Street is a true holiday classic. Beginning with NYC’s famous Thanksgiving Day Parade, the film takes us through an old man’s struggle to make six-year-old Susan Walker believe in the spirit of Christmas. As he plays the role of Macy’s very own Santa Claus, Kris Kringle tries to convince everyone that he is the real deal. Whether you choose the original film or the contemporary version, there’s no doubt that you'll be thankful for this holiday film.

Planes, Trains, and Automobiles, 1987
In this hysterical comedy, Neal Page (Steve Martin) is desperately trying to get home for Thanksgiving. His only travel companion for the holidays ends up being a blabbermouth slob of a man, Del Griffith (John Candy), who tells bad jokes and is never short of advice. Wishing he could be with his family, we relish watching Page spend the holidays with his new friend. This film just goes to show you should be grateful for all your friends -- new and old!

Home for the Holidays, 1995
Claudia (Holly Hunter) is already having a rough holiday season. She has lost her job, found herself in a compromising situation with her soon-to-be ex-boss, and discovered that her daughter won’t be home for Thanksgiving. Now, on top of everything else, she has to deal with the lunatic antics of her crazy extended family. How will she survive? We love watching this group of misfits come together to celebrate the happiest time of the year. Home for the Holidays also stars Robert Downey Jr., Anne Bancroft, and Claire Danes.

The House of Yes, 1997
Parker Posey stars as Jackie, a mentally unbalanced young woman who wants to be Jackie-O. When her brother comes home from college for Thanksgiving with a new fiancé, Jackie goes into a rage. After disastrous events and unusual comedic antics, we realize that this whole family is off its rocker. Have a laugh with this very indie holiday film, and give thanks that this family does not belong to you!

Pieces of April, 2003
April Burns (Katie Holmes) is hosting Thanksgiving dinner at her New York apartment for her estranged family, which includes her dying mother. She struggles to fit in and give her family a delicious, flawless holiday meal. As they travel from Pennsylvania to April's Lower East Side neighborhood, we learn more about the unique, strained dynamic between black-sheep April shares with her whole family. Desite a broken oven and many comedic errors, this imperfect family bonds during a special holiday evening spent together.

How much is that doggie in the window?

I brought Ned into work today in an attempt to cheer myself up. His favourite spot in the entire store was sitting in the front window next to our beautiful new curtains watching the traffic and passers-by. I couldn't resist snapping this photo above.

Country Road Christmas Catalogue

It was lovely to receive the Country Road Christmas catalogue in the mail last night. It's filled with lots of great gift ideas. I absolutely loved the cover which I have posted above.

it wasn’t right

ffffound

He was my best friend. That one person in my life that truly meant everything to me. I knew that no matter what I did or what I said, he always accepted me for who I was. He loved me no matter what. And not just like a friend.

I knew he had those kinds of feelings for me, I always had. Our friendship started with him saying that he was in love with me. We had known each other for a while then, but only very shallow. I had a small crush on him too, so we started hanging out. While my feelings grew into friendship, his only grew stronger.

We were both very open with how we felt about each other. I think that is what made our friendship so honest, deep and strong. For almost a year, we hung out almost every day, and became the best of friends but nothing more. I hated it. I could see how he just fell apart every time he saw me with a boy. Knowing that it was I who made him feel like… It created a big hole in my heart. I think it was these feelings that made me do what I did.

During the summer we almost didn’t see each other for two months. I missed him more than anyone else and in the back of my head; I started to wander if I wasn’t falling in love with him. I created these pictures in my head of how I would tell him and how happy he would be and how easy our relationship would be. Because we already knew each other. It would be perfect. And easy. Maybe I should say that around this time, my life was anything but easy. At home, it was chaos, I hated school and I had just gotten out of a relationship that was horrible. I needed easy.

At the end of the summer when we finally saw each other again, I decided to tell him. We kissed and I asked him if he still was in love with me, which he was. But I knew from the beginning that it wasn’t right. Kissing him didn’t make me feel all happy and walking on clouds. It made me want to get out of there. I wasn’t attracted to him at all. When he wanted to kiss me, I turned my head away, when he wanted to hold my hand, I put it in my pocket and when he wanted to see me, I made up excuses so that I couldn’t. All that was supposed to be so easy was just so wrong.

A few weeks went by and he started noticing. Finally, he confronted me and asked me what was going on. At that point, I couldn’t ignore it, I couldn’t lie to him. So I told him. I told I didn’t have any feelings for him, and that I probably never had. I told him that it just had been so convenient to be with him. I wanted him t be angry, I wanted him to yell at me, but he didn’t. When I cried and said that I was sorry, he took me in his arms, stroke my hair and told me that it was going to be okay. That he would always be there for me, that he always would be my best friend and that I could never lose him.

So we continued to be best friends. We didn’t even mention it again. All he said was that I meant too much for him, he had t see me, even if it meant just being friends. Weeks flew by and it was all back to normal. Until one night. I had had a bit too much to drink at a party and so right in front of him, I made out with a boy I didn’t even know. 3 am that night I got a text message from him where it said that he couldn’t see me anymore. It hurt too much.

That night, I cried. I cried for two weeks. I couldn’t believe what I had done to him. My best friend who I loved. Hadn’t I hurt him enough already? I was playing with his feelings like it was just another game. I was supposed to be that person he always could count on. And now, I had destroyed him. Since that night, I haven’t met him or talked to him. It was six months ago. And since that night, a huge part of my life is missing. Just because I wanted something easy.

- A

Overloaded

It seems I am a little overloaded this week along with suffering an awful summer flu...may have to take a couple of days away from here. I promise I'll be back soon!

xo
Anna

illustration by samantha hahn

you are beautiful

james + richard, weheartit

ps: can you believe that tinypic.com took down the top pic?? close minded jerks!
it is not inappropriate at all!! :/ i'm now hosting it with photobucket...hope they don't have the same views.

mum

weheartit

I don't really know how to start this but i wanted to add a different type of love.

I have for the past 2 years been seriously ill,
i have had to give up everything that makes me,
such as my education,my freedom,my past times and my friends.

I don't think i could have had the will power to keep going on
if it wasn't from the support of my mum.

She is the one who takes me too and from the hospital.

She is the one who comforts me when i am in pain.

She is the one i tell everything too.

She is the one who believes in me and never doubts me.

She is the one who seen me at my lowest points and still tells me i look beautiful.

She is always there for me when ever i need her.

She is my best friend in the whole world.

I love her too pieces

I didn't realized till recently how incredibly lucky i am to have her.

-RA

Party Girl

Looks like Dakota's having a good time. And still wearing her signature silver watch and black boots!

because she is me

olivia bee

I hate the girl that is so in love
I hate the girl that is so in love she blushes the minute he walks into the room
I hate the girl that is so in love she Can’t think of anything but him
I hate the girl that is so in love she becomes speechless
I hate the girl that is so in love that the only movie she can see is The Notebook
I hate the girl that is so in love she feels sick When he is not with her
I hate the girl that is so in love she imagines their entire future together
I hate the girl that is so in love she becomes naive
The reason I hate this girl is because she is me. You might be wondering what the reason for all the hate is. The reason is simple, the girl’s love, my love was and will never be answered
　
// Mia　

More Homecoming Pics

More pics of Dakota's 2009 Homecoming Game.

how the fuck can you be scared of love?

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Somtimes I wonder what I would answer if my friends asked me if I was in love with him. Now, they would never question because I'm really good at hiding my feelings due to years of practise. But IF.

"I don't know" I might say. "I'll admit that there is a certain tension between him and me that I don't feel I have with anyone else." Then, after a moment of thought, I might continue: "But, what I do know is that sometimes I want to stroke his back so bad I can't barely stand it, and sometimes I make things on purpose just so I can be near him. What I also do know, is that I'm scared. So awfully scared."

The ting is that I don't want to feel anything. At all. But sometimes the feelings attack me so hard I can't ignore them anymore. They push and push and push, until they finally come through, and then, usually, I run. I can't bear to deal with them, and I certainly can't deal with the feelings that comes after. When you've been hurt. And you always get hurt.

I never let anyone in. It takes years of good behaviour to make me trust a person fully. Much because I've been let down. Hard. I've poured my heart out to people who only stomped it and threw it away. Such things hurt. And leave marks. So, in many many years I've never let myself feel anything for anyone, I've run when I couldn't ignore the feelings anymore. I've run so awfully much, in such an awful long time, and I'm so awfully tired.

So, this time, I shave sworn to myself to stay put, to not run from them. The feelings that make me want him to hold me. The feelings that, when he looks at me in a certain way, are so overwhelming that it takes all of my self-restraint to not move over and kiss him full on the mouth. The feelings that makes me pee myself out of fear.

I really don't know what to do. People tell me loving someone is the greatest thing in life, but I know how you feel when you get hurt, and I know running is easy and it spares your feelings, and... And I'm babbeling. I always do when I'm scared. And I'm so awfully scared right now.

How the fuck can you be scared of love? I truly must be an idiot.

-S

Friday Flowers

Here are some beautiful fresh pink peonies which I just arranged and placed on our entrance table at Black & Spiro along with a collection of other lovely things. Have a great weekend!

xo
Anna

i really really wish it was

johanna wallin

He's one of my closest friends, and honestly, we tell each other everything, we make each other laugh, we help each other through just about everything, we're there for each other when no one else is around. It could be perfect.

If only it felt right.

I've known him now for six years. But I think I speak for both of us when I say 'the feeling' just isn't there.

I don't get butterflies. I don't constantly think of him. I don't loose sleep over him. I’m not put off eating. When I look at him, I don't have the urge to hold him. The feeling of what I class as love, isn't there.

But in a strange way, I really really wish it was. He's the nicest guy I’ve ever met, he's brilliant, we work well together, he's unbelievably good for me, I've seen how he treats girls fantastically. My words could never do him justice. Why in the hell don’t I see him like that?

How can I see the guy that I loved the most like I did, when deep down I knew it would go wrong, I knew it wasn’t ‘forever’. How can I love him. But not my friend? Wait, I do love him, but in a friendship way.

My point is, I know you can’t choose would you fall in love with. I wouldn’t want you to be able to choose. Part of the excitement of love is not knowing where it’s going or is its going to be.

Just in my perfect world, we’d love each other and things would be so wonderfully simple.

Anonymous.

Christmas Card Idea

I love Anne Harwell's Christmas cards this year. They are available in a set of 8 at Anne's etsy store...

i was so naive

ffffound

I've decided to tell the story. Of a love that wasn't suppose to happen. It wasn't in the cards, yet somehow, I fell madly, deeply, crazy in love with this person, who would later break my heart, and shatter my world.

We worked together. We would glance at each other, and smile as we walked by each other. He would come and order from me, and I would make some sarcastic joke and we would laugh. It was casual flirting, and really I didn't find him all that cute, but it was fun. It entertained me.

I asked him to come out and have a drink with all of us after work. He turned me down. And I was ok with that. No big deal.

A few weeks passed and my boss and I were going to a local bar, and I asked him to go. (January 5th to be exact). This time he accepted. We had a few drinks, and we kissed. I don't remember the kiss too well (those few drinks really hit me). My boss pleaded with me not do anything with him. But I was a big girl. We made out, tried to go a little further, but we both had too much to drink, so we stayed up and talked all night. I let out everything that I had kept inside for far too long. It felt amazing.

We got up, we went to work. He left shortly after he arrived. He didn't say goodbye. This hurt. But I wasn't going to let it get to me. But I left work early anyway. I went to my neighbor's and had soup and slept there.

Over the next few nights, I had talked to a few people about him. My shift manager said, "You know he is married, right?" I was furious. I was not that girl! I was not going to be the whore that he cheated on his wife with. I totally had written him off.

Then one night, I heard a knock on the door. My mom answered the door. Surprised when someone asked for me. I heard his voice and my stomach dropped. I now had to confront this guy. I stepped outside, and with my arms crossed, I said, "I heard you are married." He explained that it wasn't the case. His ex frequently told people they were married, but they weren't and it was over. I was relieved. So I invited him in. I introduced him to my mom and she gave him the inquisition. She went to bed shortly after that, and we stayed up and talked. He left shortly there after that, but I wrote down my phone number and gave it to him.

The next night he called and I had no idea who it was. But as soon as I found out, I was all twitterpated. I had butterflies going in every direction. I asked him if he wanted to come over and he said yes. So that night, I begged him to stay. After much convincing and puppy-dog eyes, he said yes. We talked and slept in each other's arms. I was so happy.

We decided to take it slow. Neither one of us was ready for a commitment, we just wanted to have fun. We weren't going to sleep together. We developed an insane friendship. We would go on long drives and talk about everything. He had become my best friend and slowly I was falling in love with this man.

For my birthday, he brought me a dozen roses, and then left because of how I was acting. He left a note, but I was too drunk to care. He later came back and stayed the night, only because my mom begged him to. I cried later at the thought of losing him.

On our days off, we would take drives. He would take me to the mountains and it was so beautiful. We would hike and see waterfalls. He took me to the beach one night, and we just walked around and we held hands and walked in the sand. I was so insanely in love with him. He would kiss me and my knees would go weak. We then went and had pie at one of the cutest cafes. We would always bring one home for my mom. We would listen to music and he would always look at me and smile. I felt like I was floating. What did I deserve to have this in my life?

One night, in mid March, we were out driving. It started out just driving around. And somehow, we ended up in Santa Cruz. He parked the car and told me to wait in the car. I had no idea what was going on. He had rented a hotel room right on the boardwalk, you could hear the ocean through the window. We walked down the pier and watched the waves. I was in awe of the ocean. He took me back the room, and we started to kiss. And he told me it was ok if we went further. We made love that night. It was incredible. We took a shower afterwords, crawled in bed and slept. The next day we walked on the boardwalk and I had my first fish-n-chips and calamari. He was opening my world to such a new place. And I had finally told him so, and I told him I loved him. And he couldn't say it back. He told me he didn't know if he was over his ex.

Over the next few months, things just got better. We took a week long trip down to Southern California. I loved being with him. I loved having him hold me. I loved making love to him. Every part of him made me happy. He even got a key to my house.

He tried to leave a few different times. These should have been my clue. The first time, he watched me cry and beg and plead with him not to leave. He told me he couldn't do it anymore. I was devastated. The next morning, he showed back up at my door and apologized.

He did it several more times, always coming back. And like a fool, I took him back. I was so naive.

One night, he stood up to my mom (she had been rude earlier during a dinner between his family and mine) and it pissed off my mom royally. He wasn't allowed back in the house. So we tried making it work but taking drives, making love under the stars and windmills, by talking a lot, and he told me he thought he was falling for me. I moved out of my house so that we could be together, but slowly we started to drift apart.

One morning, getting into my car, I saw his ex calling him. I asked him, who it was and he lied. I told him I knew he was lying. And slowly those lies became a part of him. And apart of me. I wanted nothing more to keep him. So I lied. Mostly small, but about two big things... things that I hoped would keep him around. Nothing worked. He distanced himself further away from me until there was no more. I would lay on the floor, unable to move, feeling my heart break. I would cry hysterically, it hurt so bad.

He had gone back to his ex. And I was left devastated. He had been cheating on both of us. For a long time. I was just too blind to see it.

The last time I saw him, 9 months after our first night together, he and his girlfriend confronted me at his mother's house. He told me he loved her not me. I thought I was going to be so sick. My face was red with anger and with trying to hold back the tears. I remember him stopping right before he left to go be with her, and looked at me, but I couldn't look at him. Too many tears had already been shed.

I would hear from him 2 more times. One through a phone call to tell me how horrible of a person I was when I lied to him and he found out the truth and the next an e-mail to tell me how sorry he was. And that he wished me nothing but the best.

3 years after we met, he is still ingrained in my brain. Sometimes, I will dream of his arms holding me. Sometimes, he will be in my dreams. Sometimes, I believe he calls me. It comes from an unknown number, but I swear that if I still think about him, he has to think about me. How did I feel so much and him feel nothing?

I still think about what would've been. I miss his friendship, but I feel like I made him into the person I wanted him to be. I miss him. I miss his arms, but not the pain. So today, I say goodbye to it all.

Here is the story of a love that was lost. But only because I had so much more to gain.

-CT

before sunrise

thanks danica!

Black & Spiro Christmas Window

I've been meaning to post these photos of our Christmas windows at Black & Spiro which we installed last week. I feel like I am always one of the last stores in Brisbane to install Christmas! Anyway, I went for a very bright pink and yellow combination this year. I wanted to end 2009 on a lovely bright note!

PS. The wreath is made out of beautiful dried out Australian native bush {very hard to see from these pictures} which a lovely lady in Melbourne made for me. I then decorated the wreath with silver baubles tied on with torn strips of fabric and ribbon.